Signing Out...

Signing Out...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Left: brakes; right: accelerator

I am finally learning to drive. I will be 23 in October and I refuse to greet that day without knowing how to move a car about. I mean, do u know how many incidents could have been avoided if I had known how to drive?:

1. I would have been able to attend that party where SHE stole HIS attention! stupid heiffer
2. Spring break would have been so much fun. Walking is good but it was hot and I was not in the mood for a forced weight loss. My arse shrunk a full pant size. Skinny butts should be illegal.
3. My dramatic exits would have been perfect. there is nothing as stupid as storming out and having to wait in the parking lot for him to come drive you home. Then the idiot will now use that time to waste yours. Dang! I have suffered sha.
4. That day with the tummy upset...our presentation at the emergency room would not have been as memorable for the clinic staff.
5. I will not need Omo Ibo to go to the market. Him giving me a ride means I have to include him in my cooking and he does not eat pepper and I cannot be seperating food.
6. The weather man can kiss my arse. I am tired of being the indicator of what is happening outside the studio. I have arrived wet from sweat, rain and snow. Not good for preserving my segzy.
7. I could have enjoyed wearing my skirt that day. Billowing skirts and the sewer were only good on one woman... Marilyn Monroe.
8. I think I would be on time for events... I said I think!!!

Please ladies and gentlemen of blogville, wish me luck. So far, it has been great driving around a parking lot. Otherwise, my aunt would be facing lawsuits and I would be facing deportation. As it is, after every session, we head for the brakes specialist (in obodo, there are no mechanics only automobile engineers and spare part specialists and technicians. I mean, what do u expect when the janitor is a sanitation engineer and the maiguard is security detail?).

What I have learned so far?
1. Give way to traffic on your right.
2. Bicycles have as much right of way as I do.
3. I cannot park anywhere without paying.
4. My feet cannot reach the pedals unless i am practically resting on the steering wheels.
5. I will be using the slow lane for a while.
6. God has to provide for me to get a car that is raised above the road.
7. At this point, I cannot talk and drive.
8. R means "reverse" and not REST.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

FOR $9.50







For $9.50, I took myself to see Mira Nair's latest release "The Namesake" starring Tabu, Irfan Khan, Kal Penn, Zuleikha Robinson and Jacinda Barrette. I decided that I was going to use my last bit of money and give myself an experience and so after service, I went to the cinema for foreign films and bought my ticket; giving myself up to the god of film fate that Mira Nair would deliver a presentation that will fill my thoughts for days to come.




I went for the late matinee cos I had missed the early one. I had over an hour to kill so I went to get something to eat. I found very interesting the reactions I got as I sat down- a single woman seated in the midst of simpering couples and families. I am not a very physical person and so, I watched with some degree of fascination as some individuals felt it necessary to assure themselves of their companions presence by constantly toucching or leaning into the person. Some women I felt were trying to communicate their ownership and territory with the way they touched their man's arm, ran fingers through their hair, stole prolonged kisses and ate out of their bowls of ice cream when one sat in front of them ( I was at Haagen Daas...)




I watched from behind my shades the patronising smiles and avoided conversation from people that thought it was their duty to include me because I was seated alone. I did not feel alone. I have learnt not to. Most times, I take myself out; I am single and I refuse to be one of those females that requires either a man or an armor of fellow female colleagues to go out on an adventure. When I go to restaurants. I have to sit at the bar because no one makes seating for one.... ( a story for another day)




The Namesake was poignantly fufilling. Just when I thought it was about to drag on and kill the story, it ended on a sweet and sharp note.

The story I understood, the characters I connected with and the message I recognised. In Irfhan Khan's character "Ashoke" I saw a father trying to communicate to his son why he should be proud of his name; in Tabu's character "Urmisha" I saw a woman trying to weather the feeling of loneliness and disconnect attributed with the migration to a foreign land and in Kal Penn's portrayal of "Gogol" I felt I knew the man unsure of his true identity having been brought up with a name so odd and unique and yet at the same time tied to a history that was foreign to him. Jacinda Barrett was perfectly shallow in her portrayal of a white American woman coming to terms that her boyfriend was not as American as she was and Zuleikha's character was a rebelling against the roles and identities her heritage had cast for her as a woman.




I was very much moved by the way Ashoke's character and that of his wife Urmisha was protrayed. Theirs was of a love so modest and yet one of the most powerful interpretations of the communication between a man and a woman. They barely touched through out the film but you knew they cared deeply for one another. It was evident in the way he spoke to her: with tenderness and great affection and he listened with attentiveness and respect to what she had to say. Their eyes always met with a smile. Their words, poetic in speaking. She did all he asked of her without him having to say it. They looked like a couple that had deep and meaningful conversations with each other and I found myself longing for such a companion to share my life with. I wondered if such an innocent love still existed for my generation. The most endearing part was that it was an arranged marriage and yet the bond that was built between both was so strong that I believed its existence.




Gogol's attempt to hide his heritage and culture was saddening to me because in him, I saw all those who either by choice or by birth were navigating life in another man's land but were still weighted down by the obligations associated with your "people". Knowing and living another language besides English usually sets one up for alot of confusion and Gogol was a very confused individual. I travelled with him without leaving my seat back to his father's homeland in India and felt like I could reach out and touch the rickshaw drivers. I longed for a hand woven fan and an open courtyrad house where the family would gather in the shade of a balmy evening. I walked with him through the grounds of the Taj Mahal and felt my heart sing when he, like me, declared upon the sight of such a beautiful masterpiece that he was going to be an architect.




For $9.50, Mira Nair gave me a look into my life by giving me a look into someone else's.


PS: See also Deepa Mehta's "Water" and "Earth". Also Mira Nair's "Kama Sutra". Indian films that have shaped my understanding ,appreciation of and love for storytelling.




Sunday, May 13, 2007

1.What time did you get up this morning? 9.00 am

2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? 300

4. What is your favorite TV show? UK: Footballers' Wives; US: too many but right now it's house

5. What did you have for breakfast? Nothing

6. What is your middle name? Oludolapo

7. What is your favorite cuisine/meal? Pounded Yam with Ogbono and stock fish

8. What foods do you dislike? Anything raw or with cheese...you know, anything caucasians eat.

9. Your favorite Potato chip? Halapeno flavored chips

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? The soundtrack from the movie Bas Ek Pal (Bollywood hit)

11. What kind of car do you drive? Don't have a car

12. Favorite sandwich? The Potbelly Chicken Salad Sandwhich with hot peppers, lettuce, cucumbers and tomatoes

13. What characteristics do you despise? People who are afraid to dream and will not allow others to do the same

14. Favorite item of clothing? Ankara dresses

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Somewhere in Asia. Probably Japan

16. What color is your bathroom? Shades of Green and chocolate brown

17. Favorite brand of clothing? None in particular. But if I could have any wardrobe at all, it would be filled with Cache and Ann Taylor Loft

18. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere in western Nigeria. close to Lagos

19. Favorite time of day? After classes

20. Where were you born? Benin City

21. Favorite sport(s) to watch? Don't like sports but I will watch Ice skating and Football (the real football not the 90 minute suicide game Americans talk themselves into playing) if the players are hot

22. Who do you least expect to respond to this? my mother

23. Person you expect to respond first? not sure

24. What laundry scent do you use? TIDE...YAY!!!!

25. Coke or Pepsi?Coke...with lime

26. Are you a morning person or night owl? Neither...am a lazy person

27. What size shoe do you wear? 9 1/2 (American); 40/ 41 (British)

28. Do you have pets? no

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Not yet...hopefully soon

30. What did you want to be when you were little? Rich and famous. At what? Iwasn't really clear

31. Favorite Candy Bar? Not much of a candy person

32. What is your best childhood memory? Not having a care in the world

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Events Marketing and Management, Library Intern, Interior Design Intern, Architecture Intern

34. What color/type underwear are you? Black, lace boyshorts

35.Nicknames: I don't think I have any besides the shortening of my name

36. Piercings ? One in both ears

37. Eye color? Brown

38. Ever been to Africa? Yes...the one place I have been to and come from

39. Ever been toilet papering or rolling? No...I have home training

40. Love someone so much it made you cry? yes
41. Been in a car accident? Yes, daddy was driving and his eyes (mummy) were at the back with us kids

42. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon...why do they have to be bits

43.Favorite day of the week? Thursday

44. Favorite restaurant? Mama Put

45. Favorite flower? Not a flower person

.46. Favorite ice cream? Haggen Daas Mango Sorbet

. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Never...am going to take it soon though and I plan to ace it one time

50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? I did not get this from an email. I fapped it off someone'sblog. NYEMONI

51. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit card? God Forbid!!! I do not have a credit card

52. What do you do most often when you are bored? Sleep

53. Bedtime? Not Applicable...architecture student

54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? Am waiting to be surprised

55. Last person you went to dinner with? An organization

56. What are you listening to right now? "Shine" by Bond

57. What is your favorite color? Black/ Navy Blue

58. Lake, Ocean or river? To do what with. Cannot swim

59. How many tattoos do you have? None.

60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The Chicken, men and then according to the bible, its rib(s) was taken out to make another one and then they got busy and out rolled the egg.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

OPRAH-FIED

Ok, so Oprah is coming to give the commencement speech at my school.
PRECEDENTS

1. Oprah always donates at events like that. She has given $4 million on ever occasion she has gone to Townsend university

2. She loves to send people to school

3. She just built a school in South Africa.


PROJECT

How can you get Oprah to give you ( I mean me) money for school?


SOLUTION

1. Crash commencement, dodge security and find a way to get at least to her best friend Gail who apparently goes everywhere with her and hand her your application for sponsorship and resume.

2. Make sure she knows you are African. She seems to be in love with the place right now. Market the idea that she can replicate for a West African what she has so beautifully done for the South Africans

3. Make a T-Shirt that airs your request. (How much does it cost to make a t-shirt online and have it shipped here in time?)


I am in need of money for school and I am about to get Oprah-fied to do it. I have resumed my daily dosage of the Oprah show, been looking for a used copy of the books on her book club selections....