Signing Out...

Signing Out...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Left: brakes; right: accelerator

I am finally learning to drive. I will be 23 in October and I refuse to greet that day without knowing how to move a car about. I mean, do u know how many incidents could have been avoided if I had known how to drive?:

1. I would have been able to attend that party where SHE stole HIS attention! stupid heiffer
2. Spring break would have been so much fun. Walking is good but it was hot and I was not in the mood for a forced weight loss. My arse shrunk a full pant size. Skinny butts should be illegal.
3. My dramatic exits would have been perfect. there is nothing as stupid as storming out and having to wait in the parking lot for him to come drive you home. Then the idiot will now use that time to waste yours. Dang! I have suffered sha.
4. That day with the tummy upset...our presentation at the emergency room would not have been as memorable for the clinic staff.
5. I will not need Omo Ibo to go to the market. Him giving me a ride means I have to include him in my cooking and he does not eat pepper and I cannot be seperating food.
6. The weather man can kiss my arse. I am tired of being the indicator of what is happening outside the studio. I have arrived wet from sweat, rain and snow. Not good for preserving my segzy.
7. I could have enjoyed wearing my skirt that day. Billowing skirts and the sewer were only good on one woman... Marilyn Monroe.
8. I think I would be on time for events... I said I think!!!

Please ladies and gentlemen of blogville, wish me luck. So far, it has been great driving around a parking lot. Otherwise, my aunt would be facing lawsuits and I would be facing deportation. As it is, after every session, we head for the brakes specialist (in obodo, there are no mechanics only automobile engineers and spare part specialists and technicians. I mean, what do u expect when the janitor is a sanitation engineer and the maiguard is security detail?).

What I have learned so far?
1. Give way to traffic on your right.
2. Bicycles have as much right of way as I do.
3. I cannot park anywhere without paying.
4. My feet cannot reach the pedals unless i am practically resting on the steering wheels.
5. I will be using the slow lane for a while.
6. God has to provide for me to get a car that is raised above the road.
7. At this point, I cannot talk and drive.
8. R means "reverse" and not REST.

18 comments:

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

What I have learned so far too....?
1. Give way to traffic on your right.(its actually left for naija here o)
2. Bicycles have as much right of way as I do.(no be for third mainland)
3. I cannot park anywhere without paying.(u could if u r not on lagos island)
4. My feet cannot reach the pedals unless i am practically resting on the steering wheels.(use pillow on ur seat)
5. I will be using the slow lane for a while.(good thinking, but if it was lagos, molue go jam u tire for that lane)
6. God has to provide for me to get a car that is raised above the road.(do u mean SUV?)
7. At this point, I cannot talk and drive.(except u want to curse the okada man overtaking u)
8. R means "reverse" and not REST.(u got that right)

catwalq said...

i like you joo, ibo dude.
tank u tank u tank u.

ijeoma obu iheoma said...

oh thank God. am not the only one.. i Feel so much better

TaureanMinx said...

lol@ ibo dude!

Everyone Loves a Naija Girl said...

Haha....I love your list lol. But good for you on learning how to drive now!

Ejura said...

All the best oh. In the time being, you can drive yr way to blogville idol competition from the stable of Pinkpeke production.

diary of a G said...

good for you
vote G 4 idol

catwalq said...

@ Ijeoma: apparently we are plenty o. don't know if i am relieved or not
@Taurean minx: yeah he is tew tew much
@Ejura: me drive to award ceremony. Tu fia Kwa. i am arriving in a limo
@Diary: why?

azuka said...

Small rears are the best! Thus says I :-P.

...toyintomato said...

dont worry,u will surely learn how to drive..."Girl Power!
thx 4 stoppin by

Rayo said...

Fina-friggin-ly!!! So now you can drive me around...nice!

Totally Basmatic said...

Haha, it's okay that you're just learning to drive. I'm nearly 22 and I only just got my license. And that was only because I'll need it for my job in the fall.

Thanks for the blog comments!

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